LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 PERSONAL AND HOME APPEARANCE TEST

Have you ever looked through a magazine and see a picture of a beautiful master bedroom.  This room is gorgeously decorated with an opening off to the side.  In that side section, you usually will find that is comfortably decorated with a “love seat” and table.  This room is called a “Parents Retreat”.  This side section, yet open to the master bedroom with no doors, is a place for the parents to sit and relax.

We will continue as a “profile peeker” and learn more about the Proverbs 31 woman.

Prov.31:22 “She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.”

This implies she makes coverings for her bed; and she is clothed in fine apparel.

This woman knows that both her home appearance and her personal appearance are important to her husband.

Do you ignore or neglect either one of these areas?

If you ignore either one of these areas, you are SHOWING fraud, laziness and disrespect to your husband.

I hope you have figured that out!  Before marriage he expected these areas to be taken care of.

Do you need a course in “clutterology” or need a visit from “Merry Maids?”

Whatever it takes girls, let’s just get it done!

The virtuous woman keeps an inviting atmosphere in her bedroom and all through her house she decorates elegantly.

I have heard that a bedroom should look ROMANTIC, which emphasizes to your husband the importance of intimacy.

Mine looks a bit like Hawaii, which to us is a romantic place.

If you do not know how to decorate, COPY.   Yes, copy!

Look at magazines or ask a friend to help you.

The next thing this virtuous woman did in this verse is, she dressed herself well.

You definitely do not have to be RICH to dress nice.

You get basic items and you just add to them items or colors.

Add jewelry, scarfs, hats, shoes, purses, belts and jackets or sweaters.

People who dress mannequins do these tricks.  SO CAN YOU!!

Women who are too lazy to fulfill their God given calling, use “false humility” to dress dull and drab.

You were created for your husband so you must maintain your attractiveness.

1Cor.11:7 “…the woman is the glory of the man.”

You know that when you were dating your husband, you went through great lengths to wear the right outfit.

You spent HOURS trying to get your makeup and hair perfect.

It is defrauding to now put that area at the back of your list.

CASE AND POINT:  I always remember a TV commercial where a wife would not let her husband use the good towels they received as wedding presents.  He asked her,  “Who are you saving them for, your next husband?”

Can I get a little CRUDDY here girls and bring it home?  If your marriage is getting a little dull, fix up your bedroom and yourself for your husband before another woman does!!!!!!

Unfortunately, even in CHRISTIAN marriages the divorce rate is the same, 50%.

Can we change that number with the Holy Spirit as our guide.

YES!!!

Start right now!!

Fighting the good fight and loving it!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOU NEED YOUR SPOUSE

Beware of living independently of one another!  Sure, you’re both busy.  Sometimes, however, busy people build their lives around activities, only to find themselves, years later, all alone.  Such people are so imprisoned by selfishness and a failure to take risks, they live independently of the person whom God has sovereignly given them to share life with.

So what can you do today?  Well, how about a project for you and your mate to complete after dinner tonight?

List on a clean sheet of paper, five to ten specific ways you need your mate.  C’mon now, work at this! Don’t list any of the “vanilla” stuff—laundry, paycheck, meals, and, oyes, sex (unless that would really surprise your mate!).

Once you do that, here are two ways to express your need of your husband or wife (feel free to creatively move beyond these two suggestions).  Using your list, compose a letter expressing your need of your mate.  Or, take a long walk and use the time to share the ways you need him or her.

Above all, do it right—don’t just read your list!  A tender touch and eye-to-eye expression of this will make it more meaningful.  Hold her hand as you read your letter to her.

You really do need your mate.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

Overcoming Discouragement

We all face times of discouragement in our marriages and families.  So what do we need to overcome discouragement?  What should we do?

First, be truthful with God.  I’ve found that I never fool God through my lofty prayers for the missionaries in Africa, when deep inside I’m hurting.  God is able to handle your emotions of disappointment and being disheartened.  Be honest!

Are you discouraged about a child who rarely reaches your expectations?  Tell God about it.  Disheartened about your mate and an unresolved issue that habitually occurs?  God knows about it already, but pour it out.  Disillusioned with a friend?  Then pray.  Are you questioning God—His fairness, your circumstances, or your unanswered prayers?  Get alone and share your grief  with the One who knows you best.  It’s normal to get discouraged, but it’s not acceptable to stay discouraged.

Second, find the source of your discouragement.  Sometimes it’s a goal that you didn’t attain...again.  Or the problem may be a cutting remark of a friend, the feeling that you’re carrying this heavy burden alone, or the lack of approval by an important person in your life.

By isolating the source of my discouragement, many times I’ve found that I had placed my hope in the wrong person or in the wrong place.  On other occasions, I’ve judged my response to be quite normal— and because  I can’t quit, I’ve need to work through my all-to-human desire to lose hope and give up.

Third, with a heart of faith, look beyond your circumstances and your emotions to a God who will renew you day by day.  Realize that God uses hardship to perfect your faith (Rom.5:1-10).  And recall what He told a disheartened group of Israelites, “Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude (or in your case, this great challenge),for the battle is not yours, but God’s” 2Chron.20:15.

My friend, the tomb is empty!  Jesus Christ is alive!  And He is the One who can lift up your heavy hands or your burdened heart.

Barbara and I have concluded that God  has given us a life that will bring occasional times of discouragement and disappointment.  We love the way Philip Yancey put it, “The alternative to disappointment with God seems to be disappointment without God.”  You can handle the uncertainty of life only through a tough, resilient faith in a God who knows what He is doing.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 WHEN DISASTER COMES YOUR WAY

Many things happen in our lives and in our marriages that bring us fear.

God did not give us a SPIRIT OF FEAR but of power and love and a sound mind.

As we once again, take a look into the Proverbs 31 woman and continue in our “profile peeking”, let’s see how she handled her fears in the time of crisis.

Prov.31:21 “She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.”

This woman takes things seriously when it comes to her family.

She plans ahead and practices crisis management so she does not have to be afraid of any DISASTER that may come her way.

Do you plan ahead?  Wives should always have a Plan B.

Or are you one of those kind of wives that starts yelling and showing anger when plans are CHANGED?

Does everything have to be done your way?

In the business world, they train for “Crisis Management”.  There are two kinds of “Leadership Crisis” in the business world: sudden crises and smoldering crises.  Sudden crises are circumstances that occur without warning and beyond control.  Smoldering crises are minor internal issues that, due to manager’s negligence, develop to crisis status.  Research shows how leaders must be competent in integrity, capability, mutual respect, and transparency to build trust.

Let’s look at what the apostle Paul went through as he was trying to successfully complete the will of God in his life.

2Cor.11:26 “In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren.”

While the apostle Paul was ministering in his day, him and his team ran into many problems.

That is why Paul said they were “…in perils in the city…” 2Cor.11:26.

The power and presence was with Paul as he faced his many CHALLENGES.

Paul never let any crisis keep him from doing what he was called to do.

To the best of his ability he pressed FORWARD and completed his responsibilities.

As the enemy kept throwing things at him in the city, he just kept marching forward with the Gospel.

Paul and his team also had “perils in the wilderness.”

It is very probable that Paul had to deal with beasts, venomous snakes, thieves and an array of troubles.

As they found themselves in various perils, they put their trust in the power of God.

On top of all this, Paul talks about “…perils in the sea…”

All of these demonic attacks were so that Paul would never go back on a ship again or anywhere for that matter.

He knew that he had a God given ASSIGNMENT and he was not going to let fears interfere on the goal.

Are you tough enough to be successful?

Can you KEEP from turning around during a crisis?

God has called you to be an equipped spouse, right?

Are you as committed as Paul was to reach your GOAL?

This virtuous woman had her family draped in scarlet.  These colors were worn by senators, kings, and emperors.  They were worn by the priests.

Are you covering your family with Godly garments?

If not, START TODAY!

You do not have to fear the future.

Put your trust in God.

Fighting the good fight and loving it!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ARE YOU STRETCHED OUT?

When our youngest daughter was taking ice skating lessons at about the age of nine, she had to have gymnastics.  Her lesson was about an hour so the first part of the lesson was stretching which lasted about 30 minutes.  It was a private lesson from a young man and when he was done with her, my whole body was hurting from just watching.  He pushed and pulled her the whole half hour.  I had to control myself from barging in and telling him to quit or he might break something.  My husband kept telling me that the coach knew what he was doing and we needed to let him do what he needed to do.  In the end she was able to do splits and all leg lifting that was needed for her ice skating competitions.

As we continue on with our “profile peeking”, we will see how the Proverbs 31 woman was stretched to her capacity.

Prov.31:20 “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.”

This woman did MORE than just write a check,  she shows personal concern.

“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”

This is a woman that comforts the lonely, visits the sick and depressed, and delivers food to those in need.

“Why should I care???”

Jesus said that in order to please him, you have to care because He cares.

Jesus and the poor were INSEPARABLE.

The blind, hungry, lame, beggars, destitute and needy flocked around Jesus.

This is KINGDOM BUSINESS.

God has made it His business to show he cares.

Whatever is Gods business, is your BUSINESS.

Do you tell yourself, “It’s none of my business”, when you see a need?

There may be a real financial or material need right next to you.

CASE AND POINT:  I heard once that when you see any member of the armed forces in a public place, pay for his meal, especially if he is with his family.  They have the highest rate of divorce and they have limited finances to support their family.  If we are in an eatery, and my husband sees someone in uniform, he calls the server over and anonymously pays for what that military personnel is eating.  One time in an airport, I sent my brother to chase down a military man to give him some lunch money.  My brother is a very thoughtful person but after he chased the guy I explained why I did it.  Even if we don’t have much in our pocket, it will at least buy him a cup of coffee.

I am not saying this to get pats on my back, but to give you an idea so you can do likewise.

Just say, “Have a blessed day” and put some cash in their hand.

Do all this for the sake of the One who “…though he was rich, for your sake he became poor,  that we through his poverty might be rich.” 2Cor.8:9

Are the poor within YOUR reach?

They are within reach of your wallet, your energy, and your prayers.

It is your personal responsibility to find out where the poor are.

In the Old Testament, the law PROVIDED for one-tenth of the farm produce to be given to the widows, the fatherless and the poor.

Also, they were told to provide for foreigners, strangers and travelers.

In order to reach, you must stretch.

Psa.41:1 “…blessed is he that considereth the poor: The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.”

With an outstretched hand, the virtuous woman cheerfully and freely serves the poor with her hands.

Your spouse and your children need to see you do these random ACTS of kindness.

Jesus taught by doing, and you need to do according to the example that was left for us.

Or am I wrong ABOUT DOING?

She seeks opportunities to do good and help those in desperation as she reaches out her hands to the needy.

Do you give TITHES and offerings in your church?

Do you help out those in the household of faith?

Can our LORD count on you to put kingdom business first?

Can HE??

Fighting that good fight and loving it!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

  IDLE WIFE EQUALS UNSUCCESSFUL LIFE

Years ago we went to see one of the cutest animated movies ever.  It was called “Happy Feet.”  This was about a young penguin who was born with feet that were different than the other penguins.  He was teased by all the other penguins.  His feet would dance instead of walk.  All through the movie, he was not excepted by the penguins because of his dancing feet.

As we once again, continue to be “profile peekers”, we will see how in Proverbs 31 this virtuous woman had “Happy Hands.”

Prov.31:19 “She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.”

Watch out if a woman’s hands are idle and if she is not engaged in worthwhile, constructive pursuits.

If the devil can catch a woman (or man) idle, he’ll set them to work for him.

When it says, “…she layeth…”, it tells us that by her example, she provokes her servants to labor.

CASE AND POINT:  There are times when I am so tired or so busy.  That is when my husband will ask me for help.  I immediately want to tell him “NO!!  When I see his determination and passion, I immediately find myself helping him.  Why??  His passion electrifies me and I start thinking of what I could possibly do, to do my part.

This woman sets an example of skillfulness and industriousness.

She DEVELOPS her skills and talents through education and diligent application.

What are you doing with the skills and talents that God has given you.

How many times has your husband asked you to help him with something, and because of your bitterness or anger, you have IGNORED his immediate need.

You sit on your gifting and abilities out of selfishness.

“Happy Hands”, the virtuous woman, is able to use what God has given her because of her Christ like attitude.

Phil.2:5 “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”

Your ATTITUDE should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

“Happy Hands” have to think positive and have a positive attitude.

Is the mind of  “self-emptying” in you?

This is needed in order for you to be the spouse that you and God, desire you to be.

In Phil. 2:5-8, it tells us that Christ humbled himself.  Lets see the steps that were taken by him.

1. Consecrated to humble himself. (v.5)
2. Laid aside His divine side (v.6)
3. Made himself of no reputation (v.7)
4. Took the form of a servant (v.7)
5. Was made in the likeness of men (v.7)
6. Humbled Himself (v.8)
7. Became obedient unto death (v.8)

These verses are saying that He (Jesus) emptied Himself of His divine nature, to assume the form of a servant and become like man.

Do you believe this???

Jesus did that for us so that we can be with Him through ETERNITY.

This was not an easy task for Him but he did it willingly.

He asks us to be a servant to our spouse.

He knows that it is HARD for us so he left us a “helper.”

Have you ever watched “Cupcake Wars” on the FOOD NETWORK CHANNEL?  They give you a team in order to help you win.

The Holy Spirit is better than a team.

The Holy Spirit is God himself and he wants to help you WIN.

Why would you not want the Holy Spirit to invade your being, to help make you the spouse that God wants you to be.

You can do it right this minute.

Just ask the Holy Spirit to take complete control and let go.

You will see a miracle in your attitude.

You will have those “Happy Hands.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT’S YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT FINANCES?

About fifteen years ago my husband and I were at the Miami, Florida airport. We were taking a plane to Cuba. As we were in line, we noticed that everyone going on our flight had kerosene lamps. It seemed very unusual but we had no idea what they were for till we got to Cuba. At anytime all the lights in the country of Cuba would go off. It made it very dangerous for people driving because roads were pitch black. It was also dangerous for anyone to be walking the streets after dark so they did it at their own risk. We were told that hundreds of people were killed on their roads at night, both walking and driving.

I was very upset with Fidel Castro that he mistreated his people as to not even supply them with lighting. I must admit that it really made me appreciate my country along with artificial lighting.

Every night we have the freedom to have a LIGHT SHOW.

As “profile peekers”, let’s take another look at this Proverbs 31 woman.

“She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.” Proverbs 31:18

This verse shows us her attitude towards her wealth as a possession since it is referring to financial gain.

In Hebrew, the word “profit” is cachar, which means PROFIT or GAIN.

We see from that verse that the virtuous woman was financially sensible.

Do you own your wealth, or does it own you?

“For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1Tim.6:10

This verse is telling us that it is the LOVE of money that is the problem.

The virtuous woman knew how to make money, and spend it according to Godly principles.

The possession of money is not what made her excellent, it was her ATTITUDE towards money.

Do you say as a Christian that everything you own belongs to God?

If you can’t GIVE freely, then your treasure is not in heaven.

What does money mean to you? Security? Power? Importance?

Your desire for wealth is a spiritual stumbling block if your answer is yes to any of the above.

Your attitude about money should be one of a steward.

Money should be a TOOL for God to use.

Do you and your spouse argue about money?  Take a money inventory about your attitude.

The other thing we learn in this verse is the PRIDE she takes in doing a good job.

No one worries about her responsibilities not being taken care of whether it is night or day because her lamp is on.

In Matt.25:1-13 it talks about the prudent and foolish virgins. Ten young virgins were waiting for their bridegroom. Five brought extra oil for their lamps, five did not. The ones with extra oil were prepared to go out and meet the bridegroom when He arrived at midnight.

Materialism can easily distract us from spiritual readiness.

Are you PREPARED for an emergency or a disaster?

Remember that it is important to budget for giving, saving, getting out of debt and emergencies.

This excellent woman was WATCHFUL and CAREFUL.

As long as God’s lamp is burning in us, we will never be weary in well doing.

Do you allow the Holy Spirit to use you as a WISE spouse in your marriage?

Use the wisdom that God has given you.

Remember, every night we can have a light show!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SUPERNATURAL STRENGTH FOR WIVES

In 1992 Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold metal in the “Winter Olympics” and the “World Championship.”  From 1992-2002, she toured with the program “Stars on Ice”, which was made up of celebrity figure skaters.

The definition of figure skating is an Olympic sport where individuals perform intricate and challenging moves on ice skates.  The reality is that this definition is not the whole story.  They spend their lifetime, minimum of 8 hours a day, 7 days a week since they are approximately 6 years old, practicing.  One parent gives up all their time and career to take their child from ballet, to gymnastics, to an array of ice skating lessons.   These competitors have disciplined muscles and skill that is unbelievable.

In Proverbs 31, the virtuous woman is identified as a woman of strength.

As we continue with our “profile peeking”, let see what we can find.

Prov. 31:17  “She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.”

The word “strength” in Hebrew is OZ, which means boldness, power, and strong.

In Hebrew the word “arm” is Zarowa which figuratively refers to force.

This woman vigorously goes about her DUTIES and does what she does with all her might.

She keeps herself healthy and strong by proper health practices—adequate rest and exercise, and a good diet.

She is energetic, strong and a hard worker.

God’s word urges wives to lead productive lives and to be hard workers.

As we see all that goes into ice skating, and that is for trophies and ribbons, we need to ask ourselves how much more we should be doing for God.

High energy living is here to stay in the world now.

The Old Testament gives us many examples of industrious women.  One was Deborah, who was a prophetess, judge and leader.  Ruth the widow worked the fields gathering wheat and barley.  Lydia was a dealer in purple cloth and Dorcas made clothes.

Whatever your work is, do you put it before God or your husband?

Nothing should ever come before Faith or your family.

The “virtuous woman” keeps herself and her family in perfect health with proper food and clothing.

Can you be the great steward of the time that you have on earth?

Can you give the first and the best of your EFFORTS to God and your husband?

Do you put into your efforts all that you have in your being?

Can you give the first and the best of your ENERGY to God and your husband?

Are you well prepared so that you can put all your energy into it?

Can you give the first and the best of your STRENGTH to God and your husband?

Regardless of the difficulties and opposition, do you have the perseverance to finish the job?

The “virtuous woman” didn’t have the words GIVE UP in her vocabulary.

God doesn’t give up on you!

DON’T YOU GIVE UP!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

PAINT WITH BROAD STROKES

Your bedroom is not the place for modesty.  Remember God’s original design, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Gen.2:25).

The bedroom is the one place to really let go.  Solomon showed us that God intends for sex to be a feast of oneness, enjoyed often, “I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk” (Song 5:1)

If Scripture does not forbid your creative sexual expression, if your activity doesn’t demean either one of you, and if you keep it exclusive to the two of you, then you’re totally free to paint with broad strokes.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

NOTE:  This article came from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER 

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1:  What kinds of thoughts go through my husband’s mind when he initiates physical intimacy?

Answer #1:  There is more going through a typical husband’s mind at that moment than many women may realize!  Consider a few of the questions he may be asking himself:

1.  Do you want me?  Will you welcome me?  There is no other person I can go to who will affirm this side of me.

2.  Will you trust me with your body?  Or will you pull away?

3.  Do you really want to please me?  Do you have any idea how important this is to me?  Am I important enough in your life to focus on what I need sexually as a man?

4.  How did I do?  Did I do just okay, or did I really bring great pleasure to you?  I gain my greatest satisfaction from knowing that you have received and enjoyed pleasure.

The sexual fulfillment of your husband is directly related to how his wife communicates her sexual love to him.  How do you communicate that you need him?  Do you usually wait for him, or do you initiate?  Do you respond or do you resist?  Your attitude and actions are essential parts of the experience

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.